Monday, August 4, 2008

Not-so-Jazzy nicknames . . .

Nicknames are all but dead in today's NBA . . . occasionally you'll get something good and simple like "Flash" for Dwyane Wade; or something that's a slight play off of a popular culture, like "The Matrix" for Shawn Marion. Unfortunately, the vast majority of nicknames are copy-cat nomenclature based off of the 'hip and cool' names that developed in the EARLY 90's, like C-Webb (Chris Webber) or J-Kidd (Jason Kidd). Some people notice that names like D-Will and Dwight-How are kind of -- well, uninspiring. For example, some individuals are trying to call Howard the Centaur (as he is reportedly half man and half beast), but that has not stuck at all outside of one website. Do you remember names like The Round Mound of Rebound, or Magic, or The Human Highlight Reel (or Film depending on which source you cite)? I remember names like that, and other names too: like Dr.J, or Pistol, or even something apt like the Microwave. Let's look at some of the current Jazz player nicknames, and then let's try to find something better, shall we?

First the Starters:

Deron Williams, PG, #8

The Dominator

D-Will is his current nickname; others include Kingpin and D-Nasty (though I've never heard of those); additionally Hot Rod Hundley tried to call him "Slick Willy" for a while. I don't like it. It sounds like a sex thing. Horny is okay, because it's a condition, Slick Willy is an organ. Too risque for my tastes. Let's get away from the "W" for a rhyme, and rhyme on the D. I'd be more than happy with calling him The Dominator. (Hey, Dominic Hasek wouldn't mind...)

His game is a series of moves which display not just dominance, but also straight up ownership of his opponents. (Look at the head-to-head with Chris Paul) He can kill teams with threes, or passes, or just flat out beating him man with his ball handling skills and dunking on the other teams center. (Right Chris and Tyson?) Additionally, no less than Larry H. Miller (you know this guy) said on the radio that his personality is such that he does not take pleasure in winning something unless there is some risk involved. He's not happy winning for the sake of winning, he is happy only by beating someone. For Deron to truly win someone has to lose. He is The Dominator.

Ronnie Brewer, SG, #9
Razorback Airlines cleared for take off

Ronnie B is so junior high. Would we still call him something like this if we didn't have Price on the team? According to (?) he is Batman. (???) (? part deux) suggests that his nickname is not Batman, but "Brewdog". Both of those names are more creative than "Ronnie B", so they get points. Unfortunately, both of those names still are pretty dumb. (No offense intended Ronnie Brewer, if indeed your nickname is Brewdog and you approve of it) It's still a name that is more than anything, a product of his name (Brewer). Would Antoine Carr have a cool nickname if his was Carrdog? No. He is the Big Dawg. (The O.G., not Glenn Robinson). I rest my case.

His game is high flying and he has serious hang time. Let's call him Air Arkansas, or possibly Razorback Airlines or something a bit more creative than Mrs. Ward's 3rd grade class. If we can't remove ourselves from his name, then how about "Air Brewer" (in that Jordanesque type of way)?

Andrei Kirilenko, SF, #47
If he's had it this long, it's a little too late to replace AK-47 as his nickname . . .

Yeah, his home town is the same place where they manufacture those Russian guns, and those are his initials, and his player number -- and I guess his 38% 3pt shooting last season is pretty indicative of marksmanship . . . this nickname is creative enough for me to not mess with, especially since he's had it since he was a rookie over 7 years ago. It's pretty much untouchable right now, not unlike his contract. This guy is a weapon, he is AK-47.

Carlos Boozer, PF, #5
Rrrraghgharaghghgh!!! I am Boozer, hear me roar!

C-Booz. Really, this is a horrible nickname. Like: 'See spot run.' See Booz. Dumb name. Apparently he was called 'Los back in High school. We should probably aspire to name him after something wild and dangerous, not unlike that Grizzly bear tattoo on his arm . . . hmmm . . . what's wild and dangerous, and possible indigenous to where he developed a lot of his game? Hmmmm, I must be missing something obvious here . . .

Alternative could involve him being a "Bruiser"; but I take a look at the fact that he was born in Aschaffenburg, (West) Germany, and thus, pronounce his surname like "Boots-zehrr" on occasion. Apparently his alternative nickname is "Booze" . . . which is a great name, imagine the levels of creativity needed to take off the last letter of someone's surname! All these years we've looked for a nickname for John Stockton, and it's been right there all this time!

"Malone gets the pass from Stockto, and shoots it off the glass!" - Hot Rod

Mehmet Okur, C, #13
Benim Dimes'im ! Bitches! Drink Dimes fruit juice!

Memo. This name is also going to be hard for people to break away from as it's easy. His website url is even, so I guess that's pretty much a wrap. Bolerjack calls him the Moneyman on occasion. I'd prefer to call him The Janissary. What is a Janissary? They were powerful Turkish (Ottoman) infantry soldiers who adopted quickly to firearms, including hand cannons and muskets. They hit the long bomb, basically, back in the mid 1300's. Mehmet is Turkish, Janissaries are Turkish -- both had funky costumes and facial hair. It seems like a good match.

The only other thing is his sponsorship of some Turkish fruit juice product tie-in . . . the video (like that 5 Shaq's vs. 5 Shaq's commercial from way back when) is great. I don't think anyone wants to call him the Juice man or anything like that . . . Boler is all over the "Moneyshot" already. Let's not involve other fluids.

The chances of any of these names sticking is slim, though some of these guys deserve better than a sophomoric play on their names.

Come back later this week for (better) bench nicknames!


Tonga said...

Deron "The Don" Williams:) descending from Latin "dominus," master, lord.

Ronnie Brewer: "Midnight Marauder" Someone who moves about in roving fashion looking for plunder. i.e. ally oops, steals, break away dunks, back door cuts etc.

Carlos Boozer: "Polar Express" obvious reasons..Alaskan. Express...expect 20 and 10 points and rebounds every night.

Amar said...

The Don is solid, and so are your other names. I think you may have something with the Brewer name . . . that does describe his game quite well. Good stuff, Tonga!