Not-so-Jazzy nicknames, the Third.

Just to recap, so far we've done 10 of the 15 guys on the roster. Part one goes over Deron Williams, Ronnie Brewer, Andrei Kirilenko, Carlos Boozer and Mehmet Okur. Part two goes over Brevin Knight, Kosta Koufos, Kyrylo Fesenko, Morris Almond and Ronnie Price. If you've been following along, that leaves us with Matt Harpring, Paul Millsap, C.J. Miles, Jarron Collins and the irreplaceable Kyle Korver. Let's get to it, shall we?

C.J. Miles	Jarron Collins	Kyle Korver	Matt Harpring	Paul Millsap
'Jillah	Krappa Omega	The Closer	The Georgia Freight Train	Thrillsap
Ceejay, Calvin Jr., Air Miles	Tree, DNP-CD, Jargon, Flop	K2, Kyle-lee, K2	"Harp", "Missed layup"	Mansap, Paper Boy, etc.
Carlos Boozer explained (last month, I believe) that this is what he calls him, or perhaps, that this was his name. Jillah. (Djillah? like Djibouti?) I don't really need more information on this, if this is what Boozer calls him then I guess it's his nickname. So ever since then whenever C.J. does something good on TV I yell "Jillah!", I encourage you to do so as well.	Yeah, Jarron Collins is part of the Kappa Alpha Order fraternity. He plays like crap. He's the best at playing like crap. Hence, Krappa Omega.	While looking for names I stumbled onto the Jazzbots website. The pure, aryan pride robot still freaks me out. Anyway, this guy basically rips off my articles, but doesn't actually give any new insight. Anyway, back to Korver. Last season he was "The Closer" (a play on the TV show of the same name), however that hasn't been the case this season much. I'm sure as the games become more important, and we have to hold onto leads while the other team goes into intentional foul mode that he'll get crunch time minutes again, and regain this title.	Dude is built like a truck, and for all of his faults, he does play physical, smashmouth basketball. He's an Atlanta area product, and went on to play at Georgia Tech. A big part of his game is running into things and 'derailing'. He will later on go and become a spokesperson for Amtrak, I'm sure.	We've all heard those alternative names before, but I like the name Thrillsap better. It's got the whole 'sap part of Millsap. And Thrill rhymes with Mill. Additionally, it's a petite homage to The Simpsons animated TV show because Millhouse once imputed his name in a video game as "Thrillhouse". Probably more importantly, Paul plays a thrilling type of game with all of his dunks, blocks, and now, his driving spin move in the lane.

As always, comments are encouraged!

Not-so-Jazzy nicknames . . . part deux

I really wanted to get at this sooner, as the first part was posted all the way back to August 4th, 2008. However, I'm glad that I waited for the season to start before I proposed these names -- it's better now that we've actually seen the guys play a bit. There are 15 guys on the roster, and in the first batch I did 5, so I should do the same for this batch, and leave 5 for a third article. (Math, it's cumulative -- like these nickname articles!) Just as a recap for Deron I had "The Dominator" (sorry Hasek); I couldn't think of anything more apt than AK-47; and Booz will be Booz forever, even though it's not that clever. Furthermore, in my rant against 'name based nicknames' I felt like Memo should actually deserve a nickname -- and came up with The Janissary. Read the first article if you don't get it, or read a history book. Brewer is left wanting for a better nickname though . . .

Today let's go over some of the newer Jazz players: Brevin Knight, Kosta Koufos, Morris Almond, Kyrylo Fesenko and Ronnie Price.

Brevin Knight	Kosta Koufos	Kyrylo Fesenko	Morris Almond	Ronnie Price
Knight Rider	The Kolossus	The Violent Apelord	Mobe	Point Break
Some obvious alternatives would be "The Dark Knight" or the political "Breverend Knight", a play on Reverend Wright -- that's too racy for Utah though, so it wont stick.	The Ice Man, My big fat Greek draft pick, Ko-Ko, Souvlaki -- I can't really get a good Greek thing except for the one you see above.	"Fes", "Fess", "K-Fes", anything that references his name somehow, that's the key to nicknames -- because we know that Karl Malone's name obviously leads one to the word "mailman".	Mo-Al, Almond Joy, other dumb shit like that	"Ronnie P", "The Price is Right" is more of a slogan, than a nickname. His boyhood idol was none other than Utah Jazz great Pistol Pete.
Most players so far are calling him Brev' which is fine, but I think the Knight Rider is cool, because he's calm and collected, and for long stretches you can ride with him as your PG -- as the Jazz did winning their first 5 games of the season without Deron Williams suiting up.	I like the Ice Man, not in a paleolithic point of view, or a guy who sells ice, but a guy who is cool, calm and not rattled by anything. His interview skills indicate much about his personality that would fit the name Ice Man -- a confident skilled individual. That's fine and good, but I want a huge, imposing structure that blocks shots (which he does well) and is a wonder -- and Greek. So yeah.	There is something distinctly simian about this guy. While Kosta is rational, logical and hard working I look at Fesenko who is more wild, physically talented (he's bigger, stronger and faster than Kosta) and still has a higher upside. If anyone can be the true Vanilla Gorilla it should be Fesenko -- especially when you look at his heritage. Also the Violent Ape Lord appears to be his Ukraine league team logo.	There's no other way than to describe his game the way his team mates Paul Millsap and Ronnie Brewer have . . . hence the name sticks.	He's a point guard who is adrenalin filled and able to break games open with his exciting plays and energy. We saw it in the playoffs against Houston and the Lakers. Like the movie Point Break, he's had complex relationships with guys who he is directly competing with. Jason Hart was his "guardian angel" and he had to beat him out for the playing time (twice!). Right now Brevin Knight stands against him. In the movie Keanu had to work through his issues of idolatry and duty in much the same way.

What do you guys think?

YouTube Tuesdays! Episode 1

Every blog brings something different and nice. The Internet is big, so there's enough space for everyone. I truly believe this -- but for you to truly belong you have to do something that no one else does. So this week I'm introducing one of my new, weekly features: YouTube Tuesdays.

First up? This video posted by "rightside04" titled: The Real Kosta Koufos Highlight Video. [5:00] It's completely worksafe (unless you don't like rap/hip hop) and features highlights of his first (and only) year of NCAA ball at Ohio State. There are no highlights from his FIBA U18 dominance for Greece in this video. This video makes me that much more comfortable with his offensive game (which was really a stinker in the RMR -- 38% fg stinks). He had some nice blocks as well. It's a solidly mixed video and a good introduction to the man I call The Kolossus! [Yeah, that's one of the nicknames I made up for the Jazz players . . . catch the first 5 names here!] This is a good introduction to YouTube Tuesdays as well! Watch it!

Not-so-Jazzy nicknames . . .

Nicknames are all but dead in today's NBA . . . occasionally you'll get something good and simple like "Flash" for Dwyane Wade; or something that's a slight play off of a popular culture, like "The Matrix" for Shawn Marion. Unfortunately, the vast majority of nicknames are copy-cat nomenclature based off of the 'hip and cool' names that developed in the EARLY 90's, like C-Webb (Chris Webber) or J-Kidd (Jason Kidd). Some people notice that names like D-Will and Dwight-How are kind of -- well, uninspiring. For example, some individuals are trying to call Howard the Centaur (as he is reportedly half man and half beast), but that has not stuck at all outside of one website. Do you remember names like The Round Mound of Rebound, or Magic, or The Human Highlight Reel (or Film depending on which source you cite)? I remember names like that, and other names too: like Dr.J, or Pistol, or even something apt like the Microwave. Let's look at some of the current Jazz player nicknames, and then let's try to find something better, shall we?

First the Starters:

Deron Williams, PG, #8 "D-Will"	D-Will is his current nickname; others include Kingpin and D-Nasty (though I've never heard of those); additionally Hot Rod Hundley tried to call him "Slick Willy" for a while. I don't like it. It sounds like a sex thing. Horny is okay, because it's a condition, Slick Willy is an organ. Too risque for my tastes. Let's get away from the "W" for a rhyme, and rhyme on the D. I'd be more than happy with calling him The Dominator. (Hey, Dominic Hasek wouldn't mind...) His game is a series of moves which display not just dominance, but also straight up ownership of his opponents. (Look at the head-to-head with Chris Paul) He can kill teams with threes, or passes, or just flat out beating him man with his ball handling skills and dunking on the other teams center. (Right Chris and Tyson?) Additionally, no less than Larry H. Miller (you know this guy) said on the radio that his personality is such that he does not take pleasure in winning something unless there is some risk involved. He's not happy winning for the sake of winning, he is happy only by beating someone. For Deron to truly win someone has to lose. He is The Dominator.
Ronnie Brewer, SG, #9 "Brewdog"	Ronnie B is so junior high. Would we still call him something like this if we didn't have Price on the team? According to Jazzbots.com (?) he is Batman. (???) Mahalo.com (? part deux) suggests that his nickname is not Batman, but "Brewdog". Both of those names are more creative than "Ronnie B", so they get points. Unfortunately, both of those names still are pretty dumb. (No offense intended Ronnie Brewer, if indeed your nickname is Brewdog and you approve of it) It's still a name that is more than anything, a product of his name (Brewer). Would Antoine Carr have a cool nickname if his was Carrdog? No. He is the Big Dawg. (The O.G., not Glenn Robinson). I rest my case. His game is high flying and he has serious hang time. Let's call him Air Arkansas, or possibly Razorback Airlines or something a bit more creative than Mrs. Ward's 3rd grade class. If we can't remove ourselves from his name, then how about "Air Brewer" (in that Jordanesque type of way)?
Andrei Kirilenko, SF, #47 "AK-47"	Yeah, his home town is the same place where they manufacture those Russian guns, and those are his initials, and his player number -- and I guess his 38% 3pt shooting last season is pretty indicative of marksmanship . . . this nickname is creative enough for me to not mess with, especially since he's had it since he was a rookie over 7 years ago. It's pretty much untouchable right now, not unlike his contract. This guy is a weapon, he is AK-47.
Carlos Boozer, PF, #5 "C-Booz"	C-Booz. Really, this is a horrible nickname. Like: 'See spot run.' See Booz. Dumb name. Apparently he was called 'Los back in High school. We should probably aspire to name him after something wild and dangerous, not unlike that Grizzly bear tattoo on his arm . . . hmmm . . . what's wild and dangerous, and possible indigenous to where he developed a lot of his game? Hmmmm, I must be missing something obvious here . . . Alternative could involve him being a "Bruiser"; but I take a look at the fact that he was born in Aschaffenburg, (West) Germany, and thus, pronounce his surname like "Boots-zehrr" on occasion. Apparently his alternative nickname is "Booze" . . . which is a great name, imagine the levels of creativity needed to take off the last letter of someone's surname! All these years we've looked for a nickname for John Stockton, and it's been right there all this time! "Malone gets the pass from Stockto, and shoots it off the glass!" - Hot Rod
Mehmet Okur, C, #13 "Memo"	Memo. This name is also going to be hard for people to break away from as it's easy. His website url is even memo13.com, so I guess that's pretty much a wrap. Bolerjack calls him the Moneyman on occasion. I'd prefer to call him The Janissary. What is a Janissary? They were powerful Turkish (Ottoman) infantry soldiers who adopted quickly to firearms, including hand cannons and muskets. They hit the long bomb, basically, back in the mid 1300's. Mehmet is Turkish, Janissaries are Turkish -- both had funky costumes and facial hair. It seems like a good match. The only other thing is his sponsorship of some Turkish fruit juice product tie-in . . . the video (like that 5 Shaq's vs. 5 Shaq's commercial from way back when) is great. I don't think anyone wants to call him the Juice man or anything like that . . . Boler is all over the "Moneyshot" already. Let's not involve other fluids. The chances of any of these names sticking is slim, though some of these guys deserve better than a sophomoric play on their names.

Come back later this week for (better) bench nicknames!